Instinct, intuition, or illogical?

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was convinced I had it. For no real reason. I just knew I had it. Shortly after my mom got sick, I remember talking to J about the likelihood that I would get cancer. At that time I figured it would happen when I was older because even though we have a lot of female cancer on both sides of the family, no one has been diagnosed before menopause. Within three or four months of that conversation, I had changed my words and told J that I was going to get cancer sooner rather than later. Other than fatigue during exercise, there was nothing else pointing to cancer. But I knew. Was my body talking to me? I don't know. I'm not a hypochondriac, so maybe I should have listened closer.

Since I started treatment, I've become convinced I am going to make a full recovery. I don't dwell on being sick (very often). I almost never think about it when going about my daily activities. I am just completely and totally sure that after January I'll get a clean bill of health and will stay that way. That's why, yesterday, when I went in for my most recent test results I was ecstatic, but not completely surprised to find out that there is no longer evidence of cancer in my lymph nodes. YAY! The chemo is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing. Provided my body keeps responding how it has been, I am going to need 8 more rounds (12 total) taking me to the end of the year, but at least now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that ol' Nef is doing his job. It is still an uphill climb. My lungs can't get too damaged. My heart can't get too damaged. I can't develop an allergy. But, I'm still certain I am going to be okay. Hell, even my inscrutable doctor had a bit of a smile on his face.

A relatively small problem I'm having with the chemo is hand swelling. There are lots of days when I can't wear my wedding ring. This is sometimes caused by the steroids. I am no longer taking them during the week, but I do get a bag full right before I get my chemo. The steroid helps my body to absorb the anti-nausea. But, (warning to KV who is picking me up this week) I am going to try getting chemo without the steroid and hope the anti-nausea works well enough by itself. Why put myself through this for just some hand swelling? Well, the fluid retention can spread. If it moves to my heart or lungs, it is not a good thing. If we can eliminate the steroid as a culprit, we can figure out if a chemo is causing the swelling.

I had a long conversation with my doctor about the cause of Hodgkin's. There are only 7,000 to 8,000 new cases in the U.S. every year. Eighty percent of adults have the virus that causes Hodgkin's, so it is a really small number of diagnoses. The cause hasn't completely been determined, but it seems to be a combination of environmental factors, age at which someone was exposed to the Epstein-Barr virus, and other things. Genetic links are very, very small. It can sometimes run in families but that may have more to do with similar upbringing rather than genes.

Changing topics for a moment.
Are you completely confused and mystified by the whole financial meltdown thing? This NY Times article is very helpful. I would add that Levitt should have covered the bond ratings agencies and their roll in the meltdown, but it gives a good outline of what's going on right now. One other thing to consider is that Goldman Sachs is rumored to be in trouble. When Bear was rescued earlier this year, people thought Goldman was untouchable because they stayed out of the sub-prime mortgage mess. If they go, there are lots of companies who do business with them that are going to have trouble. Lots of companies. Maybe even some local ones. That's scary.

Comments

[Squab]

You know, I DO think we sometimes "know" things without having empirical knowledge of them. So I'm quite excited that you feel like you're going to get done with this and be healthy - I think that's great! Hope the hand-swelling goes away, though. That's a pain.

[Christopher]

I was just saying to Shannon the other night that it had been a while since the last update, and this was a good one to read. I hope the road to recovery gets smoother and smoother. I think about you every day. I will move heaven and earth to attend the "Cancer Free Part-ee" that you must be planning. Perhaps a Nef pinata?

In colosssal-financial-meltdown news, I appreciate that Levitt post; very useful. This item from NPR gave me pause - a small regional bank in West Virginia went under, and it's expected to cost taxpayers $42 million: http://www.npr.org/newsinbrief/index.html#MT94843175. Imagine what'll happen when Goldman Sachs blows up.